oh it's you again

i'm going to start blogging again..

after this long pause.. sorry

10:55am

I love you. Look at all the signs. It finally feels like everyone abandoned me. Even when you were just hanging around, looking around, it didn’t feel like you left. But now you’re gone. Are you really? I’m sorry I’m so sorry I made a mistake. Please please say I’m worth overlooking this one mistake. Please choose me.

I don’t even know what to say. I know I did something wrong. If you ask me to explain I can’t really because the fact is I did do it. I won’t lie about it. I told you I would never lie to you, never keep anything from you.

You used to constantly ask, is there something you’re not telling me? Is there another guy did you do something? And the answer was always no. This time, I volunteered the information. I told you before it was asked because I love you I can’t keep anything from you I can’t lie to you. I never could. I want to be fair to you and give you everything. Even if it’s the decision to leave me.

I don’t want to do anything anymore. The only thing I want is, always was, you.

*

*

i love you
don't be silly
we need to take care of mao together ok?
like this! (:

http://www.pandafix.com/pandafix/2006/01/16_baby_pandas_.html

summer

its a wonderful feeling when you realize how happy you are with your life. how content you are with everything and don't wish for anything to be different. and i think about the future too and im happy. everyone and everything has been so good to me, i must have finally done something right. im simply, very happy.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

i've got love in my tummy

because of all my whining about no cake and the stupid ex, my boyfriend sent me an edible arrangement (: it is lovely fruits smothered in very decadent chocolate. yummmm. it really (almost) makes up for the lack of birthday cake. i was so happy when i got it! i couldn't stop laughing and smiling like an idiot haha (: it's hard to stay angry at someone who knows you best and seduces you with chocolate

i swear it's one third finished heehee

long distance really tests the decision part of love. sighh
i love you much

cheese biscuits

didn't have that much to do this weekend again (went to watch bruno which was a great mistake - don't watch it, wait for the pirated dvd) so started baking again (: cheese biscuits! i was like a factory worker pheww i think i have six dozen now hahaha

cheese biscuits topped with pecans!

factory worker izzy

not my heart or my head but my uterus

i think my actions and emotions have been controlled solely by my uterus lately. on friday i had a crazy junk food day. i ate a banana and watermelon for breakfast (normal) then a big piece of COOKIE CAKE for breakessrt (dessert for breakfast). lunch was a turkey avacado wrap (ok) followed by two peanut butter twix bars. then dinner was fast food chick filla omggg a whole burger and waffle fries AND a milkshake. omgggg

on top of that my boyfriend paranoia levels are way over the top too. it was the ex's birthday and he bought her a cake which yeah ok is a nice friendly thing to do blah blah blah but he didn't buy me a cake for my birthday ): i know that sounds like a kindergarden whine but i'm a the girlfriend right?? i didn't get a cake or anything at all as a matter of fact. why is she so special??

maybe part of the reason is that all my ex's are assholes and none have ever been as nice to me as he is to her. so in my mind his behavior is clearly irrational and lined with an ulterior motive. NO ONE SHOULD BE THAT NICE TO AN EX. especially an ex who just very recently became an ex!!!! arghhh what is so important about her that she deserves this treatment?

to make matters worse, i think i just promised i wouldn't dance with other boys even if we go on a break. i'm not sure how that happened. i was having lunch and reading this awesome ad magazine (examples below) when he called all pissed off that if i say i won't why can't i just promise? well promises aren't so flimsy darling; if i make them i never break them. sighh i somehow feel like my heart, influenced by my uterus and outrightly ignoring my head, was conned into that "choice". it is very unfair and asymmetrical, i am aware.

we fought about promises too because he didn't keep one. i knew he wouldn't it was made on a drunken whim. we've been arguing a lot lately i hate it it's never been like this. it always ends ok we make up and its even good in the sense that we talk and get things out of the way but we've never fought so much ): ):

it's hard when the future is so uncertain. it stinks.

well here are some of the best ads i've seen (communication ad's advertising annual agrees):