aftermath

i'm still a bit dazed and confused even though we've kind of talked. i know you're scared; so am i. i know moving to a foreign country for someone is a big step, i'm scared we won't be used to the proximity and dependence too. though i know i won't ever want to be dependent on you in any way and i want my own group of girlfriends, i don't know if that'll happen for sure. i don't know darling i can't see the future. but at least i want a future together. it hurt so much to know that you didn't even consider me in your future.

i don't really know if i've changed your mind. i know you're still doubtful.

went out tonight with some interns plus co workers and after two martinis and a mixer, i'm even more hesitant about me going to bangkok. what if i hate it?? i'm wavering about all the effort i have to put in to learn thai, to get visas, look for housing, a job. what if i can't find a job? i am putting so much on the line for you. yet i want to. i've always been kinda crazy/stupid this way right why stop now. argh i hope you're worth it.


oh lover, i'm old
you'll be out there and be thinking just of me
and i will find you down the road
and we'll return back home to where we're meant to be

cause i remember what we said
as we lay down to bed
we'll be back soon as we make history