beautiful disaster

she loves her mama's lemonade,
hates the sounds that goodbyes make.
she prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
she swears that there's no difference,
between the lies and complements
it's all the same if everybody leaves her

and every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
the pictures that she sees make her cry.

and she would change everything, everything just ask her.
caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
and she needs someone to take her home.

she's giving boys what they want,
tries to act so nonchalant,
afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
she never stays the same for long,
assuming that she'll get it wrong.
perfect only in her imperfection.

she's not a drama queen,
she doesn't want to feel this way,
only twenty-one but tired.

she would change everything for happy ever after.
caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
but she just needs someone to take her home.

because she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's ok.

and she would change everything, everything just ask her.
caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,

but she just needs someone to take her home
and just needs someone to take her home.

(blank)

i am really stupid. this is really stupid. i don't want to do this anymore

because i won't ever ever have you. i should have realized after round 1 of bad karma why am i putting myself through round 2?

i also feel like i'm slightly bipolar omg

iheart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v3d6SFcDys

i've realized that you have really little time when you're in love

haha

and two hours can suddenly disappear because, well i really don't know what we were talking about that it's just gone in a flash

we get along so well. he's like changwen but
more gentlemanly in every way possible
more mature
more caring
more genuine and sincere
MORE MONEY (haha i'm kidding this doesn't matter just wanted to make you laugh heehee)
sweeter

he said i love you. i doubt he truly understands and means it. i think i love him. i'm probably deluded

everything else wise,
i'm starting to study for finals sighh
planning summer plans! please come to hong kong to keep me company
making south carolina arrangement
graduation ):

kid tueng

kid tueng.

?

it means i miss you. too bad i was engineered with an expiry date.

let's not talk about it.. it makes me sad and my heart hurt ): why do you have to expire?

things have expiry dates for a reason honey. so you won't use it when it turns bad, and it's bad for you. but you have the best product now trust me.

**

i'm kinda getting really sad. i don't know what to do.

i want you good or bad ):

grad ball!

there was a professional photographer at the event. for serious.

i don't understand this photo either hahaha

meet prada. there was a best dressed competition and this boy (his name is jesse he's always always well dressed) wore prada HE SHOULD WIN RIGHT?? unfortunately there was a tie between him and two other boys and they decided the winner by shouting "girls run to the man you think is best dressed!" and then there was a mad dash. this other guy bryan won by one girl but by no means was he bested dressed. it's just cos he's super smart, future ubs ibanker, so all the b school girls are crushing on him. so yeah. prada i support you!

back row. extreme left. bryan yip. best dressed? you've got to be kidding

boy toy with an expiry date

three weeks exactly from today. it's so hard when you know the end. i always get myself into these messes huh why is it so fucked up? i'm going back to every single bad habit. yuup.

):

we spent an afternoon lazing in the sun (finally!) playing golf, or trying to for me, and taking polaroids (: oh and the other night i tried this heart bokeh thing. the racist boy made a nazi sign.






i'm going to miss you a lot boy toy.

i went to the grad ball organized by the hong kong kids this weekend too. it was sucha grad affair with champagne and chandeliers haha and everyone was all dressed up in cocktail dresses and i jus wore a little black dress. kinda inappropriate i know but i was poor. it was pretty fun but there was an after party at this kids house and i guess it was kinda noisy because the cops came! there were so many underaged kids omg i think in the end the house owner just paid a fine but i'm not sure as everyone was forced to leave.

i'm getting so attached to you i don't know what to do you're making it difficult by actually wanting to be with me and asking me to be with you.. even though you know it's ending in three weeks. three weeks is too short for a real anything. what am i supposed to do after that without you? i'm not sure why this time i'm not all crazy and want to see you all the time. and why i don't have the crazy we-need-to-sherish-every-moment attitude. maybe i've learnt that thats ineffective and even more destructive. maybe because we spend every day together.

sleepless

its bad enough when you wrong someone but when its someone good its kinda unbearable
or if they're like you. when you hurt someone similar to yourself

i keep wondering if you still talk to her if you're still close if you're both closer. i keep thinking about what you were both like together whether you were better whether it was better and if i ruined something perfect

or maybe it doesn't matter anyway. and i'm just a slight detour but the final destination remains the same. and i didn't really make an impact anyway i don't really matter do i?

why did you tell me you think you love me? but words are so easy to say.

*

i don't like being jealous

the fine print

i think i forgot to mention a crucial part of the story.

thai boy (from now on called b for easy typing) broke up with his girlfriend. i felt like sucha bitch but he said it's not because of me... but it's almost kinda like we're together now? (so is he cute now swong?)

and (:

he has a really cute laugh

and says uh uhh in a really cute way hahaha like the opposite of uh huh hahaha its really cuuute i see him like every day now. there's only three weeks left

ok this is a bad situation. sighh

ALSO i'm exploring new internship opportunities in austin texas! we'll see how that turns out but that's better than south carolina right?

is it really april already?

how time flies! quick updates i'm so sleepyy

last last weekend i went to chicago! not as exciting as it sounds haha shopped a bit and ate some mediocre dim sum. partied but it was snowing which was so annoying omg because the only shoes i brought were ballet flats and heels. the highlight of the trip was actually the dan tats and bubble tea hahaha i brough a box of dan tats home :D and cheese cake :D :D so basically since that weekend i've just been getting fat

i've been seeing my newest thai boy like practically every day. we are not in love. but i love it. kinda. i mean i like spending time with him and its fun. but i duno we'll see (: three weeks left and counting sighh. is he cute?




internship stuff it looks like i'll be in south carolina. until i hear from leo burnett my biggest chance. it turns out i also can't work in the uk without a visa despite holding a bno so it looks like ogilvy is out of the picture. unless they absolutely love me which won't happen.

i went to a new church today! it's called new life and i think i like it.

this weekend i went shopping and managed to spend 100 bucks on eye products. and none of it was make up!! need to find more things to sell.

oh more boy updates. so the crazy stalker boy? he wrote me this long ass emo letter apologizing etc and. i don't even know what to think haha can i just not reply? he also bought me more cheesecake. my new thai boy says if he ever see him, he will kill him. oh dear. why are boys like that? and i like how you don't know any of their names haha

the more i look, the more i feel for him. oh dear. please slow down father time.