war against the boys

ok i knew it nothing good ever happens (to me) thai boy HAS A GIRLFRIEND. i'm not sure how much worse it can get. oh wait it can! they've been together for 5 years which is a ridiculous length of time and he's leaving in one month.

i have one month to steal his heart

haha i did not mean that. i'm already letting it go cos it's just silly to pursue it and risk getting hurt.

i can't believe my luck recently seriously. first my phone. than the prank on my mysterious boy. then nike ): now this. i'm not sure which part of my life hasn't been messed with yet.

on the other hand, i guess i could still kind of see him (against every moral fiber in my body yes i do have a few) and hope i'm not the one who ends up getting hurt. that i can play him more than he's already played me.

i don't even know why i'm thinking of it from this perspective. it is all changwen's fault. ever since i met him, i always think that every man is a player. that they don't mean anything they say (i don't believe anything that comes out of this thai boys mouth. for example when he says i really do like you i've never clicked so well with someone i've known for two weeks i think we have something really good going on here.. i just laugh because he can't be serious right) that they're all out to play you. it's the boys against the girls haha i can't believe i've become so cynical this is not me. i wish i could be naive and silly and dumb and just fall for every word

his explanantion for cheating is just simply, every man cheats. which drives me crazy! that is not true! not ALL men cheat that's unfair! i refuse to believe it. and it's really not a legit reason because, it still means in the end i'll get hurt.

sigh well we've sad good bye. he had one drunken night when he texted me i know you're happier when you're with me just tell me please that you're more happy not sad when you're with me. haha. but i guess he's mature enough to leave me alone when i say i still don't think it's a good idea? (which is more than i can say about other boys) yes i am happier. but at the expense of someone else's happiness someone who you claim to love. and i'm not sure even the very weak moral fibers in my body can live with that.

*

zhijun bought me this super yummy super atas nutella from rome IT'S SO GOOD i normally don't even eat nutella unless it's in a crepe with bananas but this is soo good omg i've eaten half the tub haha thankies jun (: it (almost) makes up for all the times you verbally abuse me

my love

oh lover, hold on
til i come back again
for these arms
are growing tired
and my tales are wearing thin
if you're patient, i will surprise
when you awaken, i will have come
all the anger will settle down
and we'll go do all the things we should have done

because i remember what we said
as we lay down to bed
i'll be here if you'll only come back home

oh lover, i'm lost
because the road i've chosen beckons me away
oh lover, dont you roam
now i'm fighting words i never thought i'd say

but i remember what we said
as we lay down to bed
i'll forgive you if you'll just come back home

oh lover, i'm old
you'll be out there and be thinking just of me
and i will find you down the road
we'll return back home, to where we're meant to be

because i remember what we said
as we lay down to bed
we'll be back as soon as we make history

it's complicated club

i met this really cute korean looking thai boy on thursday! we have since gone on two dates (: he's a engine grad student but looks like he's about 18 years old haha jus think of a typical cap-wearing-branded-goods korean boy (: he's pretty sweet and interesting and has about 89213720351 hobbies. like he's into photography and has wide angle lens! and he has a dj set thing? and a poker table. and this amazing sound system. and 50 pairs of sneakers/shoes. and a police radar detector in his car heehee and he's completely obnoxious about being rich and successful in the future hahaha which i secretly (not really) love (: we talk about who we admire, our favorite song, the difference between a canoe and a kayak, what we want to do when we grow up, home. i'm actually quite happy hee but just wait and see this mess up. i can feel it. it's too good to be true and it's going to turn sour really soon.. as did everything else. so just wait and watch.

god's idea of a joke

i don't understand. how things can get worse but i guess they can.

i'm not sure when all this bad luck started. if it was my phone breaking down. or it being stolen. or way before that at the beginning of junior year when the bad karma came.

but whatever it is i hope there's a reason for this and some meaning to it that maybe it's all leading up to some big boom that i will 'emerge a stronger and better person'

or god must really not exist or i did some real horrible shit in my past life and this is payback.

because guess what i don't have an internship anymore. here we go again.

i love izzy

omg my life is so messed up i don't know if i should laugh or cry. it vaguely resembles a tv drama.

firstly my phone was stolen by some asshole who decided taking my $500 dollar phone is not enough, he has to mess with my life

so he goes into my facebook and email and decides to screw up other people and changes my status, posts on people's wall and I HATE YOU BASTARD

rawr

then he so conveniently texts the boy i need to run away from.

ok update about boy. ARGH I WANT TO YELL AT YOU. he like cannot accept that i DO NOT LIKE YOU
we have no future
it would never work
he is not right for me
and he wants to keep trying to prove to me we have a future (we do not) OMG

sorry too late

and then he breaks down and cries in front of me and flies to london to "escape" for the weekend. are you serious?

on top of the crying, every night (i mean early morning 3am) he messages me things like
why why me? why did you do this to me? you managed to totally break me are you happy now? what are you sorry for? why me seriously why did you choose me? did i ever hurt you to the point where you suffered like this to the point where you jus want to die in your sleep?

OMG. ok fine you are sad. i'm sorry i broke your heart. but whining and groveling is not going to help. don't cry to me. don't cry. i did not ruin your life.

you need to man up.

i'm trying to help you i keep saying we can talk we'll still be friends. and you hang up on me thank you. what the hell am i suppose to do?? then six hours after you hang up you send me these crazy messages. god.

ok wait so yeah what did personwhostolemyphone text the boy? he said "we need to talk i miss you" which obviously arghh. god. so the boy called me and was like oh really what do you wana talk about blah blah blah all happy and shit and i was like oh i lost my phone......

and now he thinks god has a personal vendetta against him. i feel bad that the jerk who stole my phone texted him. it doesn't help anything. so now the boy has jus gotten crazier. i don't know how to help.

i'm so scared if i tell you anything that resembles the truth
that you need to move on and get over yourself
that this isn't everything! there's more i'm but one girl
it will be ok
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO'S BEEN CHEATED ON AND BROKEN UP WITH YOU DO NOT HAVE THE WORSE LIFE IN THE WORLD everyone has been left behind before

st patty's is suppose to be fun. all i got was a green tongue. and i'm chasing the wrong dreams. i have a green pebble phone. wth. i met this boy. extremely nerdy to the max. haha good bye.

green eyes

this weekend has been a whirlwind. it's st patty's weekend! yayy! in numbers,

6 hours of sleep
5 cups of coffee
5 gallons of sangria
3 broken appliances: phone, lappie, ipod
4 bars/pubs/clubs
50 people in a one room apartment with
1 crazy drunk/ham sup/puking birthday boy
2 cartwheels on the law quad lawn
7 bottles of bubbly!
2 very cute jasons. ooh.
1 big green care bear walking down the street....
1 very sleeepy, dehydrated, unhealthy girl

and then there's the real st patty's on tuesday!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKASWjGMeRs&feature=related

thisissocute (:

goddess of victory

like always it's a decision between my heart and my head. usually the heart wins haha but right now i think it might have to relent. i was so sure before that i would follow my dreams. that i would only do what i was really passionate about. but now.. maybe this is the path to my dream?

if i get an offer after this i don't know what i'll do.

i don't mean to make it sound like i don't want nike. they're a fabulous choice. just not the best possible choice. or well with the information available now maybe they are. i guess i'm just greedy.

i know it's a risk. i'm not sure what to do. i think i need to be quiet and still for awhile and reflect. zhijun says if it comes from god you will feel peace i encourage you to just be quiet and still and speak to god. i think i will. god, please give me a sign. something i can be more sure of than myself.

bubbly face

Holiday and I come home
I hope to see this boy I know
I can't wait for us to be alone
Flippin' through the radio
We sing along to the indie show
The songs they play mean more than I can say

And the tape I made you,
Hope you think of me when it plays through
I'm kinda sad now that it's done
You think my time is for free
In all the ways you say to me,
Sweet versions of let's wait and see

You're always a golden boy
And I'm the girl that you enjoy
My parents say isn't he a gifted son
Time is always passing by
But still I have to wonder why
You can't come to tell me I'm the one

Summer goes and we have grown
We have our friends,
Live on our own
Still I'm not the girl you want me to be
Say gravity can bend the time,
Funny, I always liked your mind
But this whole thing is crushing me

But you're always a golden boy
And this girl's heart that you destroy
You smile at me and then you have your fun
Time is always passing,
Still, I give you another try
And hope that you will see that I'm the one

You say you're scared to get too close
Come let's see how it goes
I see you now at the show,
The 7th in,
The 7th row
Now you look at me
And see what I've known for so long
Sad that you could be so lovely and so wrong

Came to say that I moved,
I see your face you don't approve
Guess you could say that I'm already gone

But you'll always be my golden boy
And I'm the summer girl that you enjoy
Some melodies are best left undone

I feel the time pass away
But in my songs you will always stay
I don't need you to tell me I'm the one
I don't need you to tell me I'm the one

You'll never know that I was the one

idon'tunderstand

melting pot

i'm hearing from arnold worldwide tomorrow to see if i get an offer. i'm so nervous i really hope i get it! here's my ultimate plan as for now. if i get arnold, i can turn down nike. i have one week to reply arnold which is until march 20, which is when maip replies me. if i get maip i turn down arnold. and still to maip unless i get a london firm.

i got rejected by m&c saatchi by the way ):

i only have ogilvy and ketchum in london left now and i'll hunt for more but...... it doesn't look promising.

as for the states, there's those three and i'm applying to leo burnett chicago now too. think i might stop searching for the states but keep going for london. i really want to be in london/with joanie ):

i think when it comes to career issues, i'm really pushy and assertive. but in all other areas of my life, i fail.

oh and the highlight of this weekend is that i lost my bracelet at a party. it just slipped off my hand, my london charm bracelet ): the party wasn't great either. i'm very bad at this. another thing to put on the pretenditneverhappened list.

not that this is redemption but. i went to church! we talked about the distortion of beauty. why is that only women feel the need to constantly beautify themselves and put on an appearance? that we think, we're made to think, that we'll only be accepted when our face is powdered and pretty? when we wonder if we're beautiful are we really worried about our physical appearance or are we asking if we're valuable? cherishable? lovable? why do we let people tell us what we're worth? i wish there was some way to change how little girls are brought up and socialized into this world, so that they can love themselves more. and look into a mirror and be happy instead of inspecting their faces for flaws.

*

thought you had a bad day?

think again

http://www.fmylife.com/top

this is hilarious (so if you are having a bad day, just click!)

*

when i can't concentrate i jump around my room and dance in front of my mirror to clear my mind

not even lying

music: norwegian recycling - all bad things come to an end

the advertising nerd

i've been making much progress with internships so much so that i'm stuck deciding between opportunities and might even have to turn something down. how unexpected haha i applied to everywhere like crazy thinking i would get nothing. i guess god exists after all.

so i don't know whether i should go with nike now or wait for an advertising agency..

nike (pros)
- huge company with a global name
- its nike!
- its marketing which is a good foundation

nike (cons)
- who the hell wants to be in portland??
- it's not advertising
- accepting so early makes me think i might regret if something better comes along..

other options
1. arnold worldwide boston
2. maip program somewhere in the states
3. m&c saatchi LONDON
4. ogilvy LONDON
5. ketchum LONDON
6. johannes leonardo new york (which has the creepiest website ever http://www.johannesleonardo.com/creativecommunity/)

if i accept nike now.. i could be giving up something greater.

during mo today the prof showed a video which was an ad and i was like oh i've seen this before! (i really do love this! it's a fun ad and there's dancing! what more could you ask for? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ3d3KigPQM) and char was like what why would you have seen this and i was like i like to google and watch ads haha especially ones that are quirky for something, you know. and she thought it was the weirdest thing ever and called me an advertising nerd ): for some reason that kind of helped me decide haha i know i want to do advertising. it's what i've always wanted. even if it's with a less international firm than nike. i've always known i would work in the advertising industry. be in a large bustling, sometimes lonely city. stay in the office late. pitch huge campaigns that people around the world would see. and at the end of that stint, have lots of babies (:

design my own beach house

adopt a puppy to romp on the front lawn

be a good mommy/bake cookies

but it all starts with the advertising. so. i think it's going to be bye bye nike.

the reason why there are boys

over dinner, anita michelle and i were talking about first kisses.

when we kiss, it's like my whole body is glowing. kissing you just makes me want to smile, i just can't help but smile because you make me so happy and i just feel so so warm and good inside. i guess it's true how a kiss can make you melt. you make me melt. and for that one moment, i've opened myself up to you, you can see right through me. i feel so vulnerable. at that moment i would give anything for you. just because your one kiss makes me smile and feel like i'm floating with happiness. i know no words can fully describe it but your kiss really reminded me how wonderful, dreamy, sweet, first kisses are.

(:

i left my heart in london

london was totally amazingly awesome. unfortunately i don't have that many photos haha chan+iz+bexie = NOT photo whores (surprisingly) but here's what i have (:


d a y on e
portobello market! with becky boo it was so fun i think we walked for four hours and 2983817249 miles haha there shiny silver pots and dusty books and millions of trinkets. we bought a charm each becky got a baby airplane i got a camera (that opens by the way) and we bought chan a baby pram hee when we were paying the guy said i hope you're getting this for a friend who's pregnant and we were like oh yeahh she's really on the way. is her husband nice? oh no husband but her boyfriend's a doll. (hahahaha)

that night we went out with liane too. the club was really euro, as was the people and music and i must say it was really fun. especially when the lines of waiters came strolling out with two champagne bottles topped with sparklers. ooh.

(paella stall!)



d ay t w o+t h r ee
this was major eating day. went to tom's kitchen (tom aiken's spin off) for brunch which last four hours. so by the time we were done it was time to get ready for dinner yayy. we had a posh dins at roka (70 quid each omg) and we had HIGH TEA the next day my favorite <3 oh yes and the pa

d a y fo ur
hello slow (: i love you for coming down to see us! it felt so surreal, three girls, three countries, all reunited in dreary old london. it was very very surreal. i'm so glad i got to see you all and how we can be global citizens hee

d a yf i ve +s i x
cambridge time. and london's almost over ): i don't know how time managed to pass so fast....
we didn't go punting in the end because it was kinda cold but. the highlight of this trip must be stew+ian+rob. stew is not that bad. despite him breaking my best friend's heart multiple times, i must say, he's kinda a sweet guy. immature at times, but well meaning and very agreeable. i wish he just wouldn't play with people's hearts like they're toys. at the same time, i can see why he would make someone very happy. i hope he grows up. and i also managed to rack up some zeedee points! hahahahaha brits are so much more interesting than americans. so much smarter execpt they can't pronounce words properly and for the most part of my stay in london, i felt like i was on the set of harry potter.

da y s e v e n
it's ending ): supposed to go see big ben with sarah today but we got stuck at oxford street...
... trying on ridiculous clothes hahaha
so. hte real sights of london:

(birds of a feather, flock together)




love you sarahchan. thank you for letting me stay with you and sleep with you and roll with you for a week. and i'm secretly (not anymore) glad i got you hooked onto sex and the city. you have the city you just need the sex. hee

d ay e i gh t
went for amazing dim sum! omg omg so so yummy. the char siew baos were literally like soft fluffy clouds haha went with sarah's ang moh friends and they were like the only white people in the restuarant. they were also making the most noise possible (yes way more than me) and think the combination of whiteness and noise resulted in horrible service. despite me speaking in canto, we didn't get free dessert like we did when we went for lobster oodles. but the dim sum was so good! all else i've had in the states pales in comparison. oh i love london.

d a y n i ne
and then there was day nine haha totally unplanned (and uncalled) for. mainly because i'm indecisive. i stayed an extra day in london because i love it (and sarah) so much. and i mostly spent this day sleeping hahaha and almost missed my flight again! while i was deciding whether to stay longer i almost missed my original flight. so if it happened again it would be a disaster haha i was so late going to the airport that i had to take a cab and spend 40 quid on it zz but i got home safe (: my connecting flight was in dc and almost every other flight was cancelled there because of a snow storm but mine wasn't thank god. the next day i had an interview! oh how normal life sucks.

good bye london! it was a beautiful love affair.

ps i think i just found the song that embodies my entire trip to london haha

what are you going to do?

becky 7:36
what do you think yo'rue gonna do

izzie 7:37
be a bum
37:24
start my own business
37:26
haha i don't know!
37:32
be in london with joan
37:37
and wander portobello weekly
37:43
take pictures
37:46
stroll the gardens
37:57
bake pies
37:58
eat them
38:02
visit you ( :

paper hearts&airplanes

march 1
5:07pm london time
I'm on the plane right now and for some reason I feel incredibly sad that I'm leaving london. I don't know why. I don't think normal people feel so sad that a holidays ended its slightly ridiculous. but its like I'm leaving after summer all over again. I guess because I really miss you guys so much and it felt so good, familiar yet surreal to see everyone in london. slow and becky and even the boys. sarah I miss sleeping in your bed.

I actually need to concentrate and study. because I am such a retarded person and can never make up my mind, I extended my stay in london by one day. so now I have an interview the day I get back (I land round midnight) and I'm unprepared. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore what kind of rational person would stay one just one more day and potentially jeopardize an interview?

its really miserable flying alone. airplanes are the loneliest and emptiest places. I guess its good for crying. I don't know what I want anymore nothing makes me satisfied. I've decided to give up boys. I know I know its the second time I'm saying it but... there's no point. I hate airplanes they bring out the worst in me.

8:41pm london time
ok studyings getting kinda better.. took two naps haha being in london made me realize how much my friends mean to me. No matter how close I get to my college friends, it will never be the same. there's noone I can roll around in bed with, walk aimlessly without talking, simultaneously burst out laughing at I'm not even sure what but something we both know. I miss you london. my heart is heavy.

1:34am michigan time
i'm home! and still equally sad. can't sleep raa